Good conversationalists appear gifted with super powers. They know how to give and take verbally and how to put others at ease. This gift isn't natural to all of us, but it's a skill we can learn and improve on with practice.

Your conversational savvy will improve as you begin incorporating some of the ideas below into your daily encounters. Commit to that and you will become like your conversationally savvy sisters, who set themselves apart with their willingness to keep the conversation going and flowing. They are curious, and all encounters become more food for thought. Warm up to the process by peppering your conversations with the ideas below in this first of a two-part series.

Good, satisfying conversations were once an art. Now online interactions allow us to avoid face-to-face interactions. You can't read the climate or warm up a situation from afar. Plenty gets lost in translation, especially if your written skills aren't warm and personal. This means a loss of connection and, potentially, a lost sale. It's hard to feel reluctance through the internet and even more difficult to shepherd someone through resistance. And overcoming resistence is the biggest function of great sellers.

Bottom line is, conversationally savvy women are superior sellers. They know how to put others at ease. You can do this, too. It's a little mind shift and a willingness to keep conversations going so you gain more insight and know how to maneuver.

Here are 10 things to practice to improve your savvy.

1. Notice any changes in the direction or mood of the conversation. If you suddenly feel on edge, you're picking up an important cue. Best to check it out so you can determine whether it's the prospect or you, and what might be wrong.
    
2. Check the story you are telling yourself. If you think you will meet resistance, if you believe you can't make the sale or that "No one wants what I have to offer," it will taint every interaction and cut your income. Your thoughts become the scripts you live--so use your imagination creatively to come up with a better thought or story.
   
   For example, try this script: "I am knowledgeable and have valuable information to share that will change things for the better for my prospects."
    
3. Become clear about your motive. Make sure to start from a respectful, helpful and kind place. If you are out to conquer and win, make an adjustment and focus on understanding your prospect. If you dominate the conversation, you will meet resistance or defensiveness. This stance never instills trust or comfort.
    
4. Keep it real. Ask questions when you feel things have disconnected. Don't be afraid to roll back the tape. Say something like, "Maybe I wasn't clear; what I meant to explain was ______ (fill in the blank). Did it come across differently? How did you hear it?"
   
   If the prospect thinks you slighted him, don't debate it. Instead say, "I can see how you heard it that way, and what I meant was ____ ," and be sure to clarify. "I didn't mean you were stupid for buying a lemon. What I meant was not everyone knows there's a special report that dealers must issue--it's a common oversight. Our company always gives you information upfront in the second meeting." See the rebound? Think diplomatic. See how you can acknowledge and move ahead.
    
5. Facts and figures by themselves don't arouse emotion. People have to hear a story to ignite something. Introduce an illustrative story as your conversations advance. Stories give prospects something to chew on. They can introduce ideas and open the dialogue even more. Prospects can envision themselves buying or owning what you have offered, and it can inspire action.
    
6. Commit to being kind, thorough and going deeper with meaningful questions. Don't settle for being nice or unobtrusive. Ask critical questions. Yes, you'll feel a reaction, but be brave and give prospects some space so their head, heart and soul can search for the answer. Don't help prospects find the answers--remain quiet. Let them talk and listen as they walk you through their thought process.
    
7. Ask pointed questions so you have an idea of their level of seriousness or how badly stuck they are. You will learn if they are hot, medium or cool. Try asking, "How long have you been grappling with this situation?" Another good one is, "What's your plan for the next three to six months?" A few of my favorites are:
            
   "What's not happening now that you wish were?"
   
   "I think there's a match here and I think it would be fruitful to work together--are you ready?
   
   "I can help you--won't you let me?"
   

8. Make it feel safe. For prospects or customers to answer candidly, they can't feel threatened. Consider it a great honor when they get personal. You want them to open up so you know where you can jointly go. If your prospect clams up, you can gently say, "For my learning, I want to know if there was something I did that was a turnoff?" You could try asking, "How did I come across?" Apologize, and do it humbly, if they aren't happy with you.
    
9. Narrate a situation aloud so you can collaborate again. If the energy changed, say, "I noticed when you looked at the dress you lit up, but you seemed cool when we talked about the reunion you were going to wear it to." Now take a pregnant pause and ask, "What happened?" If you can't wait long you can say, "Was that a good read on the situation?" "What should we do next?" or "What's important to you now?"
    
10. Say the words "excellent choice" when your prospect reaches a decision. Reassurance works as long as it isn't patronizing. When you say it sincerely, it confirms your prospect's smarts and allows you to get a signature for a contract or credit card. If a prospect waivers and needs some hand-holding, encourage her to voice her concerns. Be sure to address your prospect and reassure her of the soundness of her decision. If your prospect is a take-charge person and likes to take the lead, you can ask her to share the pros and cons of doing nothing or making a decision. Repeat those responses back and allow her to come to her own decision.

Consider the above 10 ideas your conversational foundation. They may seem simple but--beware--they are deceptively simple. Simple isn't always easy, but as you become more adept, you'll be able to change direction more quickly. You'll sprinkle your conversations with stories, ask good questions and have higher-quality interactions. Building trust and rapport with people will allow you to enjoy selling and help you sell more naturally.

In the next installment, I'll focus on what goes on in a prospective customer's mind and how you can respond appropriately to potentially high-risk moments.

Alyse Hart is the CEO and founder of Sell It Like a Woman. A sales coach and mentor, she trains seasoned and novice sellers and solopreneurs how to shepherd a sale from start to finish.