My husband and I have an active, healthy, high-energy son. Zachary is a fun-loving, frenzied 4½ and pushing all his boundaries. My husband works away from home. I work at home, which means I am the captain of our family calendar. Color me red. My husband's color is green, and Zachary's is blue.

We maintain a family calendar to keep us on track. It helps me know where we're going and what we're doing. Some people don't plan ahead. Planning is my way of life, my way of work, particularly as an executive coach.

We Have Three Calendars
My husband and I sit down together and look at our schedule on a quarterly basis. We use a 12-inch-by-15-inch yearly planner that hangs by the entryway in the front hall so we can see what events are coming up. We list everything: weddings, graduations, vacations, weekend trips, holidays, birthdays, annual doctor's appointments, after-hours networking events, etc.

Monthly, we get very specific with an erasable white calendar board, positioned strategically above the telephone in the kitchen. Among items discussed: after-hours networking events and work commitments, so we know that child care is handled. If someone calls about a family occasion, I can talk, write and sip my coffee. Family occasions are black. I accept the invitations and let my husband know. He can erase an occasion if it doesn't work for him, but we have to discuss it first.

We also keep individual calendars. I use a Palm Centro and Outlook. My husband uses a Blackberry. These are primarily for our daytime appointments that don't affect each other. For our collective events and obligations, I need to be able to look at a whole month on a page and the whole year on the planner. Call me old-fashioned, but using our calendar system, we are both organized and active.

Some Friends Use an Online Calendar-Sharing Service
We have friends who use an online calendar-sharing service. They have two preteen daughters, so they need a calendar everyone can share. The online calendar is synchronized with Outlook on their PCs and with their cell phones. They are a family with three cell phones: husband and wife both use Treos, and the girls share a cell phone. My friends say they found it nearly impossible to manage their calendars the "old-fashioned way."

Of course, the husband is a consultant in sales productivity and productivity software. He found the web-based calendar service a few years ago. He persuaded his wife to give up her Day-Timer and he handled the setup for her. Their calendars are organized in three different groups--his, hers and the family's. When the wife adds an item to her calendar, like a multiday, out-of-town work commitment, she can check her husband's box and automatically add the event to his personal calendar. It appears in pink and is automatically synchronized with Outlook and his Treo. Color them cool!

Some Friends Don't Use Calendars
I have friends and clients who have no calendar system. Color them confused! I call their situation "flying by the seat of your pants." Recently, I received a panicked call from a client (this is a composite to protect the guilt-ridden client). Her 12-year-old daughter waited for 45 minutes after lacrosse practice and neither parent arrived to bring her home. Nobody knows who is doing what, when or where. Tensions rise and people fight.

Part of setting a calendar includes setting responsibilities: Who picks up the daughter from after-school activities? Who makes sure she has done her homework? Who is responsible for getting dinner on the table? These responsibilities may change day by day or week by week, but at least you have a plan.

Having a calendar helps add structure to family life and helps you prepare for the unforeseen. For example, a professional single mom had arranged for a friend to watch her son while she attended an evening meeting. Her friend forgot. Stuff happens and you have to be prepared. Confirm that your sitter will be there. Have a list of back-up support people just in case.

You Need to Share Responsibilities
Even with a calendar, you need to agree beforehand on things like who will handle the unexpected doctor's visits and other emergencies. My husband and I share responsibilities--we are each "on call" on the days in the month that work best for our schedules. Zachary goes to day care regularly. I do the drop-off and Rob does the pickup. Our day-care center also offers one Parent's Night Out each month. And about twice a year, I bring my Mom in from Michigan for a few days to get some things done around the house. Color her wonderful!