After the initial small talk and pleasantries, it's how you handle pivotal moments during conversations that determine the outcome of a sale.

This is the second of two articles on improving your conversational savvy. The first article explains how "The Art of Conversation Moves the Sale." This article will explore how to respond when your prospect seems to be backing off.

After asking a question to advance your understanding and the sale, something changes; the dynamic between you and the prospect feels "off." In these clutch moments, neophytes and the faint-hearted simply freeze because the shift takes them off point and puts them off balance.

Things feel risky. In an instant, a nice exchange feels like it's heading south. Sellers without lots of experience get an adrenaline rush--followed by a buzzing in the ears or sudden light-headedness and a brain freeze. They want to flee or fight--it's primal, but neither will work. Savvier conversationalists know they must respond quickly before the wall goes up. If they do well, the door will open again.

Knowing how to handle these high-risk moments will get you back on track and restore rapport, which is essential to success. When you as seller ask a direct question and it feels like the air got sucked out of the room, it's a pivotal, high-stakes moment. It will turn in one of two directions based on you and your prospect's "set-point." That's our habitual behavior and reaction when we're under pressure, put on the spot or have to commit.

You either give or get the cold shoulder or you clobber verbally. Prospects who employ the cold shoulder will become unreadable or distant. If they clobber, they will lash out or bombard you with objections and questions. What you want to do is regain composure. You can improve your skills with practice. You need to create an open channel so more talking and active listening happen. New sellers often prefer the cold shoulder because there's no conflict. Don't kid yourself: You need engagement to move a sale along. Silence is never good--it signals a disconnection.

When conversations change direction fast, it's because prospects or clients feel out of control, uncertain or unmoved. They were persuaded and were on their way to saying yes when they slammed on the brakes or began backpedaling. Your conversational acuity will help you restore trust; otherwise suspicion escalates, and it's harder to get back on track toward what is best for the buyer.

You can emulate the conversationally savvy as you gain skills. First you need to sense a climate change and immediately look within before you point a finger. It's the only thing you can control.

Before uttering a word, check the temperature of your energy. If it's heated, you can't be clear-headed or do your best. So master techniques to change your energy. One way is to exhale and get centered, so you aren't swayed by the energy/adrenaline. You'll still feel it coursing through you, but you can work with it and choose not to regress to the state of a powerless 12-year-old. Stay clear about your motives and intention, and serving the best interests of the prospect. Then have a story example ready to help him or her visualize your offering and benefits in metaphoric terms. Plan to listen more and ask open-ended questions until you get the picture of what the prospect craves.

A good phrase to use to neutralize challenging questions is, "I'm glad you brought this up." Deal with concerns quickly. Use all your senses to decode the puzzle. When you are with a clam, think back to your original meeting and paraphrase what you thought the desired objective was and restate it. Don't say, "You said blah blah--you're changing your mind and seem conflicted." It's too challenging even if it's a fact. A clam will retreat or retaliate in response. Try saying humbly, "I think one of the things we talked about was how you needed ____so you could ____. Has that changed, or do I have it wrong?" Humble but straightforward soothes things. Notice I put in the word "we," so you are in it together.

With the clobbering types, you have to double your efforts to respond calmly. After taking a breath, exhaling and perhaps shaking your foot under the desk to release some pent-up energy, take what the prospect said and paraphrase. Be sure your voice goes up slightly at the end of the sentence, indicating that it's a question and that you want to understand. When you paraphrase, you are inviting the prospect either to confirm what you've said or to correct you. Either way you can pick up from there and jointly figure what your next steps are together.

Conversational agility isn't taught at business school. It's an experience skill. The more you do it, the better you become. Things to remember:

1. Start with yourself. What story do you tell yourself about your abilities? Imagine something better.
    
2. Come from a kind and knowledgeable place.
    
3. Talk in shorter bursts of 20 to 30 seconds max. Like a tennis game, let the prospect come back with a comment.
    
4. Ask meaningful questions and expect a reaction. Don't wig--become calmer and be clearer.
    
5. People have set points in how they react to situations and conversations. Know yours--is it clam up or clobber?
    
6. Shepard prospects through their indecision and their reluctance, and they will thank you.

Alyse Hart is the CEO and founder of Sell It Like a Woman. A sales coach and mentor, she trains seasoned and novice sellers and solopreneurs how to shepherd a sale from start to finish.