Years ago, I attended a seminar where the speaker on stage, a man, said to
the audience, "I bet I can tell you the goal of every person in this room." I
thought to myself, "How in the world would he know what each of our goals are?"
Then he said, "Everyone in this room has one primary goal: to be happy." I
had to agree, my No. 1 goal was to be happy. It's the definition of happy
that'll be different for each person.
So I asked myself, "What does it mean to me to be happy?" I went through a
checklist: a successful business, a great marriage, lots of money and all the
good things that money brings, a wonderful network of friends and family, a cat,
world travel, great health, a sense of purpose in life, and on and on. I wanted
all that--and then I'd be happy.
So I began to work toward all those things. In 1994, Robert and I "retired."
We weren't rich by most people's definition, but we did have more money coming
in every month from our investments--primarily real estate--than was going out
each month in living expenses. In other words we no longer had to work for
money. We were free.
After a few months of retirement and vacation, we had to face the harsh
reality that we were bored. Bored to tears. One morning we were sitting outside
with a cup of coffee, and we looked at each other and asked, "Now what?" We had
all of the things on my checklist, so did that mean that we were done? Robert
and I were supposed to be happy for the rest of our lives. Isn't that the
formula? Obviously, it wasn't.
Everything we had, and have today, brings us contentment and a sense of
satisfaction, but I discovered early on that happiness, to me, doesn't have an
end goal. You don't wake up one morning and say, "I've made it. I'm happy. And
I'll be happy from here on." It's no different than working out at the gym. I
would love to get to the point where I can say, "I've reached my workout goal.
I'm in shape. I've made it, and I don't have to work out any more." That's not
quite how it works.
What Is Happiness?
So what the heck is happiness? For me, I know I'm happiest and most elated when
I'm growing as an individual. When I'm learning something new and applying it.
When I'm taking on something I'm not sure I can do--and I do it. That, to me, is
happiness. I'm learning. I'm growing. I'm better today than I was yesterday.
As I see it, you have two choices: You're either growing, or you are
declining. A person doesn't stand still. You are either getting
better--improving your health, your wealth and your relationships--or you're
getting worse.
So what I know is this: I want to be happy. Happiness is an ongoing process,
just like building a business or investing. These are actually two of my outlets
for happiness. My business and investments are where I get to experiment. I test
strategies, make mistakes and learn from them. The more I learn and grow, the
more success I have. And the more I learn and grow, the happier I am. So from
this point of view, success and happiness go hand in hand. It's not the success
that makes me happy, it's what I learn getting to the success that brings me
happiness.
The Key to Success and Happiness
How many books, articles and talk shows communicate the endless keys to success?
Hundreds? Thousands? Maybe more. I only want to share one with you. This comes
from my personal experience. It is the one key that I feel is most important for
anyone seeking any level of success and happiness in her life: Surround yourself
with supportive people. Said another way--get rid of the negative people in your
life.
Supportive people encourage you to go for your goals and dreams. They want
you to win, tell you why you'll succeed and offer their guidance and support.
Negative people will tell you all the reasons why you can't do something.
They'll tell you, "It'll never work," "Don't be ridiculous," "What makes you
think you could pull that off?" or "Don't take a risk, you might lose."
I made the decision years ago to get rid of the negative people in my life.
The price was too high, and it was too tough to be polite and keep them around
me. Negative people kill creativity. They squash your dreams. They keep you
doubting yourself. They drain your energy and waste your time. Negative people
keep you small.
As we get to know each other, you'll find that I seldom give advice, but I'll
adamantly state here that if you have negative, toxic people in your personal or
professional life, walk away from them. It's not always an easy thing to do. It
wasn't for me. But realizing and enjoying the fact that these people no longer
have any influence on me, I wish I'd made the decision many years earlier.
See for Yourself
Here's a quick exercise: Write down the six people who you spend the most time
with.
These may be friends, co-workers or family members. Once you've got their
names on paper, look at each one and ask yourself, "Do I feel supported and
encouraged by this person, or do I feel resentment, jealousy and negativity from
them?" You'll know instantly.
Stretching yourself and going for your goals and dreams is tough enough
without negative, limiting baggage. Your success will be much grander, easier
and more fun when the people surrounding you are on your side. In the book,
Trump: The Best Real Estate Advice I Ever Received, many experts share
their best gem of experience. Lester Crown, chairman of Henry Crown and Company,
an investment firm, said it this way, "You can't make a good deal with a bad
partner." I read two points into that statement.
- No matter how good the deal--be it business, investing or personal--if
you have a partner who's unsupportive, negative or working toward his or her
own agenda, the good deal will become a bad deal. Period.
- To attract a good partner, you have to be a good partner. So don't just
look at those around you, look at yourself as well. And ask yourself, what
kind of a partner am I? What kind of a partner do I want to be?
The most important action I took toward my own increased success and
happiness was cleanly severing ties with the negative and pessimistic people in
my business and personal life. In doing so, I regularly check in on myself and
ask, "Am I the kind of person and partner that I want surrounding me in my
life?" That one step changed everything in my life for the better.