We're living in an increasingly mobile society, we can no longer count on a
"till death do us part" marriage and we often live nowhere near our extended
family. So who do we turn to for social support? Our friends. And for busy
entrepreneurs, work is often where our friends are.
Sometimes we go into business with our friends or hire them to help with our
new ventures. Other times, we befriend our board members, executive officers or
employees. Adding a layer of friendship onto a business relationship can bring
both benefits and the potential for disaster.
Work friends are easily accessible. Together for long periods of time, we
typically share interests, experiences, a professional identity and a common
history. These friends can listen, console, advise, teach, share and support.
Whether the friend is a new hire or one you've known for years, friendship
often brings team strength, more efficient decision making and effective
conflict management. For women, especially, friendship can create a supportive
business culture that discourages political behavior and promotes candor,
self-disclosure, communication, tolerance and cooperation. Friendship may bring
involvement and commitment to the workplace that wouldn't otherwise exist.
Ultimately, good working relationships are characterized by shared goals and
close contact, so friendship provides a great foundation. And friendship is
typically associated with similar values, which is important when jointly making
critical decisions.
On the other hand, a workplace friendship can be detrimental to your career
and your business. Intimate sharing and disclosing too much can come back and
bite you. Likewise, making decisions based on friendship--ignoring what's best
for the business or you--can be professional suicide. Also, a soured friendship
can spill over into the workplace, disrupting and distracting you and others.
Close involvement may also invite severe interpersonal conflict. And if you
were friends before you started your business, you'll find that your new venture
may bring about a change in your relationship.
Friendship can keep you or your business partner connected to your business.
Women, especially, may stay involved, passing up more attractive opportunities
because of the bonds of friendship. Ultimately, this may mean that friendship
will provide a business with resources that would otherwise be beyond its reach.
But if you decide your friendship comes first, you may fall into the trap of
making important business decisions with your friendship, not your business, in
mind.
When you have a strong friendship with your partner before you start, you may
rely more on implicit agreements and less on written contracts. You may sidestep
difficult issues and only address them when you run into problems. It would be
better to discuss these issues sooner rather than later, while you're still
enthusiastic about your venture and strong friends.
Typically, partners call in mediators or other consultants if their
partnership starts unraveling. However, you can proactively create a partnership
accord--a written document that outlines how your business will run and how
you'll delegate responsibilities. The process of creating a partnership accord
can improve communication, planning and decision making, but it's often a
challenge for partners because it covers issues they may be uncomfortable
discussing.
Strong partnerships and strong friendships benefit from honest and open
communication. Is there a discussion you've been avoiding? Is your connection to
the friend, business partner or employee strong enough to make it through a
tough talk? If not, the relationship may not be worth keeping. If it is, here
are six tips for keeping the bonds strong, even when it's time to put your cards
on the table.
1. Prepare. Make some notes about the situation and your feelings.
Write about where you are, where you want to be and how you might get there.
2. Set the stage. Sit down at a time when you're both clear-headed and
able to give this important conversation the time and energy it deserves.
3. Speak from the heart. Don't point fingers. Instead, focus on
finding a solution that works for both of you. This is collaboration.
4. Give yourself time to think, process the information and cool down.
5. Don't leave conflicts unresolved. An agreement to disagree is a
resolution. Leaving the conflict open sets you up for future fights.
6. If all else fails, hire a professional. Often, an outside opinion
will shed light on your blind spots and help you reach an agreement.