Do you tend to avoid conflicts or face each one head-on, never taking no for
an answer? Or are you someplace in between? Conflict management researchers have
identified five styles commonly used to both resolve and temporarily manage
conflicts: avoiding, accommodating, compromising, competing and collaborating.
And while you may favor one of these styles, knowing when and how to use all
five can help you get the best results.
Avoiding is a wise strategy to use when your commitment to the
relationship involved is low and you have little to gain by resolving the
conflict. It’s a good strategy to use when you are cut off on the highway or you
believe that your opponent might be dangerous. Avoiding is effective when you
will benefit from cooling down or getting away.
Women entrepreneurs who may have been programmed since childhood to be nice
can easily fall into the avoiding trap. However, in the business environment,
where you have many important, ongoing relationships and productivity is vital,
avoiding is usually a bad choice. Ultimately, if you’re a chronic avoider,
leaving solutions to chance, your frustrated customers and staff will label you
a poor communicator.
Accommodating is a useful strategy when maintaining a relationship is
more important than the issues in question. Occasionally, we should all be
willing to accommodate--you can buy a lot of brand loyalty by accommodating a
customer’s simple request.
On the other hand, an entrepreneurial woman focused on making the sale might
have a tendency to take this strategy too far by constantly pacifying others,
covering up, pretending everything's OK, minimizing differences, and abandoning
her own needs and desires. If you're an unremitting accommodator you have
probably found that this pattern of excessive giving leaves you feeling
resentful and disappointed.
Competing is marked by a strong desire to achieve coupled with the use
of force, hidden activities or power. Competing is a great strategy to use when
the issue at hand is extremely important, giving in would result in tremendous
loss, or your opponent is unwilling to accept anything short of a total win.
Many women entrepreneurs believe they need to fiercely compete. But even
though competing may help you achieve your goal, this strategy should be used
with caution in business and the workplace. For women, especially, the
perception that you're a steamroller will make building rapport and trust--a key
to business success--difficult. Use this strategy sparingly with your clients,
employees and associates and when you care about the connection.
Compromising typically allows us to meet as many of our own goals as
possible without seriously harming the relationship. Each side gives up
something in order to gain a part of what is most wanted. Best of all, for a
businesswoman whose time and resources are limited, seeking a fair split between
positions often results in a quick resolution.
But, before you compromise you may want to ask the other side, “How can I
make it right?” You may be surprised to learn that the other side wants less
than expected or that you can give just a little more and create a loyal
customer.
Collaborating, unlike the other four approaches, fosters both meeting
your goals and improving the relationship. Collaborators seek ways to integrate
their interests with the interests of the person on the other side. It's about
confronting the problem, not the other party. People enjoy working and doing
business with collaborators. If your business associates and partners believe
that you're willing to collaborate, they'll see you in a more favorable light.
Unfortunately, collaboration isn't appropriate for every situation. The
process can be very time consuming and often requires a stronger commitment to
working it out than the situation warrants. When you’re considering
collaboration as a strategy, ask yourself these questions:
- Do I have the time and resources necessary to engage in this process
available?
- Will setting a positive tone and having a flexible dialogue help me to
end or avoid a cycle of bad feelings?
- Is my objective to learn, test assumptions or understand someone else's
views?
- Are the issues and relationships involved very important to me?
- Do I need a firm commitment from the people I am working with on these
issues?
If you’ve answered yes to these questions, collaboration will usually be your
best option for success.
Which of these five styles do you naturally prefer? Do you stretch and use
other styles or do you almost always respond to conflict using the style you’re
most comfortable with? Think about the last conflict you encountered. Which
conflict management style did you use? Was this the best choice? Could another
approach have produced better results? Next time, before reacting, consider your
response and allow yourself to consciously choose from among all five
styles--picking the one with the greatest potential for effective conflict
management.