Guide Your Business Past Grief and Loss

Despite grim economic news and happenings, at the end of 2008 I was looking forward to a banner new year. I'd developed great strategic partners and created popular new social media training workshops. I was planning several new websites and framing the last bits of my first e-book, Penny Pinching Marketing Secrets: Big Results for Small Business Success. My husband and I were enjoying having our three college kids home for their holiday breaks, and life was full of promise.

My ambitious plans came to a crashing halt Dec. 29, when my dad was rushed to the hospital. Suddenly all my exciting business goals seemed inconsequential. My days were filled with long-distance worrying, strange new medical terms and numerous phone calls between concerned family members.

The next three weeks seemed like a year and went from bad to unthinkable. My active and previously healthy dad passed away after succumbing to a form of pneumonia called BOOP. During this awful time, I did what I had to: hopped a plane to support my family for as many days as I could, while staying connected and working as I was able. Once back home, I tried to keep a positive mind-set while I prepared for the worst-case scenario. I wrapped up projects in progress and let other things slide. I canceled networking plans and notified my clients, close colleagues and editors, to keep everyone updated about the situation.

After the funeral, I gave myself a week before attempting to get back to normal. It's been well over a month now, and things are gradually improving. Like other people who've weathered personal crisis or loss, I've done some major soul searching. I've reassessed where I am and where I want to be, and scrapped some previously "important" doings for new objectives. The support from friends and total strangers has been amazing. While my path to healing may not happen within a given time frame, my business will be OK.

The good news is that you and your business can weather personal crisis, too. Here, women entrepreneurs who've balanced family and work responsibilities while living with and getting past personal catastrophes offer insight and advice.

Advice From a Grief Expert
People think they have to put a lid on dealing with their grief, but it's important to set aside time not to be normal, says Pamela D. Blair. Blair is a New York therapist, spiritual counselor and life coach, and co-author of the book I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye. Blair (who has been an entrepreneurial therapist since 1987) had to deal with her own loss while running her business 18 years ago, when her former husband and close friend (and the father of her son) died suddenly. Her advice to women entrepreneurs who've lost a loved one: Be realistic. "If you have to cut your hours for a while, do it," says Blair, who also got her frustration and anger out through one-on-one sessions with a punching bag.

Here are Blair's tips for grief-stricken entrepreneurs:

• Reduce your expectations of how much you can accomplish each day.


• Expect "ambushes," when you become suddenly emotional or overwhelmed about your lost loved one.


• Try to set aside time each day to actively grieve, as this will help you deal with other issues the rest of the day.


• Know that grieving is hard work, so good nutrition and getting enough sleep will help you get through the recovery process.

Tips From a Crisis Coach
Colleen Phillips founded Phillips Coaching, a Florida-based life-coaching business, as a result of losing her husband to cancer and wanting to spend more time with her young son. After doing her best to "keep the pedal to the metal" for a year after her husband died, Phillips realized it was time to get honest about her new circumstances and how they were affecting her and her toddler.

She hired a coach, took stock of her life and business goals, and shifted her priorities. Two and half years ago Phillips left her 60-hour-a-week corporate job and crafted a new life doing what she loves: corporate and leadership training, and crisis coaching for entrepreneurs and widows. According to Phillips, any stress-related upheaval can have a profound affect on one's life and business. "You need to rediscover yourself, go back to the drawing board and see what's really important in your life; get rid of things (and people) that sap your energy and reach out to a support network."

Another Perspective
Lisa Montanaro is the principal of LM Organizing Solutions, a 7-year-old New York organizing, coaching and speaking business."Since I'm self-employed, I'm able to be there for my mom while getting a positive and creative outlet from my work," she says.

Shortly after Montanaro's mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in October 2008, Montanaro began to face her own mortality and the lack of control she had over her mom's illness. She began to look at the things she could control, and actively decided to get joy out of her life. Montanaro turned to yoga and exercise to help her cope with stress. Her tips for entrepreneurs dealing with crisis:

• Don't be close-lipped about your situation; seek out the support of people who've experienced similar circumstances.


• Delegate tasks to trusted vendors. Montanaro worked with a virtual assistant, so she gave the assistant more work.


• Let go of things that are not a priority at that moment. Montanaro stopped work on a new website and plans to reinstate the project when she's able.

So if you're experiencing loss or any other kind of personal crisis, take the time you need to work through your situation. Adjust your expectations, let some things go, seek out support, take stock of what you need to do as well as what you want to do.Perhaps it's a good time to journal your thoughts, as Montanaro is doing, so you have an outlet for raw emotions and what she calls "flashes of insight."

Act on these suggestions, and you and your business will be better equipped to heal and move forward.